Whoa.
.
.
.
Whoa.
Two weeks ago I left the innocence of the teenage life and crossed the bridge into my third decade of life.
Like I said...Whoa.
Everyone growing up experiences the anticipation of their birthday in order to feel a year older and wiser. It's human nature. We want to
feel the change, to
feel that difference. We, as a culture, have totally romanticized birthdays. We
romanticize everything. Everything.
Cowboys of the Wild West. Pirates. Love. High School. Prom, etc. (Anyway, I digress.)
Every year, we hope to wake up feeling different and, lo and behold, we don't feel any change. Each year, for some reason, we forget the disappointment from the year before. Starting last year, I finally felt worn out from my annual birthday excitement. So this year, I didn't expect any gaiety and certainly no utterly romantic notion of feeling my birthday occur.
Boy, was I completely wrong.
Number One: I did feel different. (very Twilight Zone-esque. haha)
Number Two: Friends threw a surprise party for me and my birthday twin.
AHHHHH, weird right?
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The Birthday Girl partaking of her lovely and divine Birthday Cake Bluebell Ice Cream Shake
courtesy of Kate and her work. :) |
The day before my birthday, I set aside time to write my missionary and unfortunately it was very late at night. It didn't help I am such a super slooooow writer, so I wrote this blasted letter until some ungodly hour. Anyhoo, on this birthday eve of sorts, I was writing a letter to my missionary as midnight passed, and I realized it was officially my birthDAY.
I was TWENTY. I had started this third decade of my LIFE.
And in this THIRD decade, I would make decisions that would AFFECT
the REST of my LIFE. I would MARRY. I would start
a FAMILY. I would start/prepare my CAREER.
AHHHHH!
Needless to say, I had a minor mental breakdown/ freak out session.
All these insane thoughts rushed through brain and I started to freak myself out, especially since I was currently writing my missionary. Writing a missionary generally brings out personal insecurities and worries. (If one of those experiences that only someone in a similar situation could begin to understand.) Personally, I know that I am definitely no where near ready to marry. The whole thought of myself being married just freaks me out. Well, this missionary returns home in February and everyone, including him, will probably expect us to quickly get engaged right away. And shortly thereafter, tie the knot. Oh, Mormon/LDS culuture... what a love-but-mostly-hate relationship we have... Well, this pressure is totally stressing me out.
I am the queen of self sike(sp?)-outs. (haha)
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| From Pinterest.com |
But isn't this crazy? I freaked out about a silly birthday. Oh, yes, yes, these are serious concepts and decisions, but the people I expressed these feelings to thought I was crazy. They didn't understand why I would think about distant future concepts while I am so busy with my present situations. I guess I am just a planner. I have to think ahead and perfectly plan out everything. Don't get me wrong, I can modify anything that needs be, but I have to always be working towards a goal. My mom makes fun of my "10 year" plan. If only she knew just how detailed it is...haha. But, I can't just wander blindly towards an unknown future. I am one of those nerdy freaks that check everyday for the university advising center shindig to post the schedule of classes for the following semester so I can create my schedule. I don't care it's September. I want my Spring schedule figured out and I want it figured out now! haha.
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| From Pinterest.com |
Yes, I know marriage and grown-up stuff are good and important and necessary and commandments....
But still scary!
My next two years will require a lot of my faith for survival. Mhmm. Indeed.
I sincerely look forward to my next decade. I am sure it will be filled with moments of sadness and happiness, but everything will be worth it. :)
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From Pinterest.com
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You ready for this?
Oh, man, I have amazing, caring, fun, crazy, awesome, super duper friends. Ya jealous? haha.
My friend Sam and I have the same birthday and we are only one year apart. We both have long dark brown hair and brown eyes. We both have fair skin. We are both short. We both have "S" names. I was actually almost named Samantha. In short, people get us mixed up all the time.
Well....
Sam's fiance, Ben, threw us a surprise birthday party!! No one has ever done anything like this for me! I felt so loved and appreciated. I am one of those crazy people who need words, words, and more words plus some action. Oh, words, how powerful you are! (sorry, awkward English major moment) Anyways, for people to celebrate ME and to express their love for ME felt so nice and warm and fuzzy. I'll admit at first I was super scared and awkward at being the center of attention, but I got the hang of it. haha. Good thing I shared half of the attention with Sam, or I would have probably bolted. haha.
pictures soon to come...
I just can't believe I am twenty years old!!
P.S. I am SO addicted to Pinterest.com!
P.P.S Halloween is tomorrow!! Last Friday, Kate and I watch
The Haunting in Connecticut... no matter how many times I watch that movie, I still totally
flip out. It's my favorite scary movie. :)
Peace out, Dog!
